Free Five Euro Advice French Cabaret Anti-Folk Song

Song Lyrics

[Intro]
Ah, pardon me, monsieur, mademoiselle
You look completely in love
Or completely terrified
(So terrified)

[Verse 1]
You buy her a warm croissant
She checks her fingernails
Listen close, my friend from Ohio
This is where chivalry fails
If she asks for your coat in April
Throw it straight into the river Seine
(Into the river!)
A man who surrenders his warmth
Will never see his ring again

[Chorus]
Love is a transaction on a marble table
You pay in cash, she pays in fable
If you want her devotion forever
Set fire to your own leather shoes
(Oh yes, set them ablaze!)
A sensible lover has nothing left to lose

[Verse 2]
When she says she misses her ex-boyfriend
Pretend to be a practicing dentist
Diagnose him with chronic gingivitis
Write a prescription in terrible Latin
(Very bad Latin)
Steal her favorite silver spoon
Hide it inside a loaf of stale bread
If she finds it before midnight
You must legally marry her sister instead

[Chorus]
Love is a transaction on a marble table
You pay in cash, she pays in fable
If you want her devotion forever
Set fire to your own leather shoes
(Oh yes, set them ablaze!)
A sensible lover has nothing left to lose

[Bridge]
Look at that swan near the bridge
That swan owes me twenty francs
Do not trust anything with feathers
Or women who say thank you twice
If she kisses your left cheek
Bite her hand politely
(Just a little nibble)
Keep the emotional upper hand
And always leave through the kitchen

[Chorus]
Love is a transaction on a marble table
You pay in cash, she pays in fable
If you want her devotion forever
Set fire to your own leather shoes
(Oh yes, set them ablaze!)
A sensible lover has nothing left to lose

[Outro]
That will be five euros for the advice
Keep the receipt
(Keep it!)
Enjoy Paris, my sweet little pigeons
Bon appétit